Close Encounters of the Jon Kind
Name: Shelly C.
November 28, 2001
on the JBB July 9, 2002
I sing, not professionally,
but I (generally) sing well. I decided that I was going to go to TDS on Jon's
birthday and sing to him. (It is sort of my schtick. I do it for all of my friends
on their birthdays) And the plan would have worked better if I had successfully
told the woman in charge what my plan was. She, instead, told everyone in the
audience that it was Jon's birthday and when he came out and asked if there
were any questions that everyone in the audience should raise their hands and
scream, "Happy Birthday." When I went up to her after that, she said, "Oh, you
should have told me before," which made me feel like a failure. I did, however,
shortly before going into the studio, choke on a throat lozenge, which scratched
my throat and didn't really help my singing (and I had a slight cold to begin
So when Jon came out (looking
fabulous, per usual) everyone did that whole screaming thing, and he said some
line about being old. He asked if there were any questions, so I raised my hand,
he called on me (he spoke to me......) and I stood up and said, "I wanted to
give you a special present." He sheepishly did his "I am a creepy old man type
of stutter" and said, "Um, ma'am, they told me I can't do that type of thing
anymore." To which I said, "Don't worry, I'm over 18" and then I burst into
song. But he started freaking out while I was singing, and hid under the desk
and said something like, "Doesn't it make you feel embarrassed when people sing
to you?" But I am listening to him (because he is being funny) and my throat
is hurting and I am distracted by him and I am convinced I suck and then to
compensate, I go guttural. The only way I can make a comparison is to say that
I went a little "Bette Middler." His response to this was (and I don't mean
this to be offensive), "Oh my G-d, she swallowed a Black woman." I finished,
he said thank you, I "think", and then said he hadn't sung in public since his
haf-torah (part of Bar Mitzvah ceremony) and I, feeling like I did a terrible
job (though my friend said it was great, but I think she was just trying to
make me feel better) said, apparently neither had I.
And that was it. But hey,
it was a ballsy move, and I am glad I did it. Even if I sort of sucked. I was
hoping that if I had done a good job that he would either make mention of it
at the top of the show or, in my unrealistic fantasy world, I would be the moment
of Zen. I said it was a fantasy world, didn't I?
Added September 2, 2002.
Transcribed by Kelly.